I love personality tests. They're just fun. Sometimes they are accurate or useful in some measure, but always they emphasize the fact that we are not all alike, we don't think alike, and we don't need to condemn or feel condemned by differences. And that is a very valuable reminder.
One popular assessment is the Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. This divides people into 16 types, depending on where you fall on each of four scales: Extravert to Introvert (where you get energy, with others or alone), Sensor to Intuitive (whether you prefer concrete information or abstract ideas), Feeler to Thinker (making decisions more interpersonally or by objective standards), and Judger to Perceiver (needing closure vs always wanting more information). Check out 16personalities.com for a real breakdown of these dichotomies and the 16 possible outcomes from choosing one of each pair.
I'd tried MBTI before, but I could never accurately type myself (including on a professionally administered test) until I was a mom. Part of that may have been the book MotherStyles, which talks about type for moms and is a fabulous book because it shows how any type can be a good mother and all of them have struggles. It encourages moms not to compare but to enjoy their own strengths. Great advice for any mom, and we all need to be reminded of that sometimes.
But I think that a lot of figuring out my type as an adult had to do with making enough decisions on my own and running my own life enough to develop clear preferences. Meyer called this "maturation" and motherhood is certainly maturing me!
I grew up with and have always had a fabulous relationship with two parents who are nearly my type opposite: I'm an INTP and they are ISFJs. And society tends to reward ESFJ for females and ESTJ for males, which pushed me even more that direction. So it took a long time for me to realize that although I can use my Sensor and Feeler sides enough that the test came out neutral, and actually tested Judger as I scheduled my way through college, those aren't my native preferences.
As a mom, I find myself drawn to recharging alone and not doing too much, daydreaming and thinking about ideas, emphasizing independence and not wanting to be too drawn into people's lives, including my kids, and always leaving time for more research before a real final conclusion. INTPs are usually summarized as the absent-minded professor, and I don't have a problem with that. I love learning, including with my kids, and I struggle with the physical routines of cleaning and bathing and with the emotional drama and social requirements of raising kids.
What is interesting to me is how long it took my type to mature. I always thought it happened in childhood, but I didn't recognize my Intuitive nature until motherhood, and I still struggle to fully live my Thinker strengths. (My confusion over being a Perceiver was more due to misunderstanding the terms; once I realized that Perceivers can use schedules but don't want actual closure, always needing more research, I saw that I'd simply been mistaken.) I think my problem with Thinking is that I don't have a strong preference there, and since I've spent so much of my life being told to make decisions based on people's feelings, I am conflicted when I try to decide. Since Perceivers don't like final decisions anyway, it's tough!
One thing I have noticed is that when I rely on my weaker sides too much, I get stressed. If I'm trying to keep to a schedule and use my J side, I tend to overreact and not allow any changes, even when they'd be the right thing to do. When I'm caught between the right decision and one that makes people happy, I get paralyzed and can't decide at all. Too much concrete Sensor work and I tend to completely zone out, which can be disastrous with children. And after a morning at the park chatting with other moms, I put my kids in their rooms for a long nap so I can be alone. That has helped me identify which ones are my natural preferences and how I can guard against overreaction. After all, we all have to use our weaker sides, and we need to learn to do it reasonably.
How has motherhood taught you more about yourself?
One popular assessment is the Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. This divides people into 16 types, depending on where you fall on each of four scales: Extravert to Introvert (where you get energy, with others or alone), Sensor to Intuitive (whether you prefer concrete information or abstract ideas), Feeler to Thinker (making decisions more interpersonally or by objective standards), and Judger to Perceiver (needing closure vs always wanting more information). Check out 16personalities.com for a real breakdown of these dichotomies and the 16 possible outcomes from choosing one of each pair.
I'd tried MBTI before, but I could never accurately type myself (including on a professionally administered test) until I was a mom. Part of that may have been the book MotherStyles, which talks about type for moms and is a fabulous book because it shows how any type can be a good mother and all of them have struggles. It encourages moms not to compare but to enjoy their own strengths. Great advice for any mom, and we all need to be reminded of that sometimes.
But I think that a lot of figuring out my type as an adult had to do with making enough decisions on my own and running my own life enough to develop clear preferences. Meyer called this "maturation" and motherhood is certainly maturing me!
I grew up with and have always had a fabulous relationship with two parents who are nearly my type opposite: I'm an INTP and they are ISFJs. And society tends to reward ESFJ for females and ESTJ for males, which pushed me even more that direction. So it took a long time for me to realize that although I can use my Sensor and Feeler sides enough that the test came out neutral, and actually tested Judger as I scheduled my way through college, those aren't my native preferences.
As a mom, I find myself drawn to recharging alone and not doing too much, daydreaming and thinking about ideas, emphasizing independence and not wanting to be too drawn into people's lives, including my kids, and always leaving time for more research before a real final conclusion. INTPs are usually summarized as the absent-minded professor, and I don't have a problem with that. I love learning, including with my kids, and I struggle with the physical routines of cleaning and bathing and with the emotional drama and social requirements of raising kids.
What is interesting to me is how long it took my type to mature. I always thought it happened in childhood, but I didn't recognize my Intuitive nature until motherhood, and I still struggle to fully live my Thinker strengths. (My confusion over being a Perceiver was more due to misunderstanding the terms; once I realized that Perceivers can use schedules but don't want actual closure, always needing more research, I saw that I'd simply been mistaken.) I think my problem with Thinking is that I don't have a strong preference there, and since I've spent so much of my life being told to make decisions based on people's feelings, I am conflicted when I try to decide. Since Perceivers don't like final decisions anyway, it's tough!
One thing I have noticed is that when I rely on my weaker sides too much, I get stressed. If I'm trying to keep to a schedule and use my J side, I tend to overreact and not allow any changes, even when they'd be the right thing to do. When I'm caught between the right decision and one that makes people happy, I get paralyzed and can't decide at all. Too much concrete Sensor work and I tend to completely zone out, which can be disastrous with children. And after a morning at the park chatting with other moms, I put my kids in their rooms for a long nap so I can be alone. That has helped me identify which ones are my natural preferences and how I can guard against overreaction. After all, we all have to use our weaker sides, and we need to learn to do it reasonably.
How has motherhood taught you more about yourself?
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